week fortyfour: funeral guests

funeral guests 

early may
new york city
he called as he was getting in his car
he said i’m on my way
i’m gonna pick up birdseed
i keep hearing sparrows in the yard
in the dogwood
in the morning
i asked him not to tell everyone else
alright he said
but they all like you
so much more than you like yourself

when he died
his mother called
to talk to me about his funeral guests
she said she wanted
to get to know me
to understand what i was to him

i said i don’t know myself
but i think he did

holy father
save your sermon
i can’t sit through any more of this
just burn his body
just burn his body
i don’t care what his mother says      

i don’t know myself
but i think he did
and i don’t love myself
but i think he did