week thirtysix: self portrait pt.1

self portrait pt.1

i was a white looking kid from a small white town
with a puerto rican mom
and i thought a lot about
how faded everyone around me was
i was a socialist
and a shy little dude
i was rocking dead prez in a subaru
and i married the first girl i ever loved

and i’m not smooth and i’m not tough
but i thought i was

i was working summers at the ice cream place
i ran from the cops on roller blades
and i heard my neighbor joe shoot my dog
i was a 4 o’clock poet on a.i.m. 
drunk if i had half a heineken
and i went looking for her one night in joe’s backyard

and i’m never going wake him up
but i thought i was

i thought i’d be ernesto che
i’d dance like michael write like jay
and i said hey mama your son’s coming up
and i thought i was

so i went back to my hometown
my hat in my hand
my head bowed down
i’m sorry to everyone for selling you short
i was hoping there’d be more

week thirtyfive: creatures

creatures

if i sing it’s in desperation
like a hound out in the dark
and my hunger outweighs my patience
and my howling eases my heart

if i’m free it’s just for a moment
birdsong coming through the fog
if i’m free i probably won’t notice
until i hear it from a long way off

and i could run down to the water
to the screaming wild geese
and take these faults in my perception
put them in a song and sing

if she’s out she’ll be out on the back porch
half a mug of last night’s wine
pulling weeds out between the floorboards
singing some old song of mine

i see lies and holes in my meaning
i see your searching sober eyes
when we’re gone we’ll be gone without reason
we’re creatures sure to die

and i could run down to the water
for to drown what’s holding me
and take this constant fear of nothing
put it in a song and sing

and i could run down to the water
for to wash my body clean
and take this hope of getting better
put it in a song and sing

week thirtythree: raining in louisiana

raining in louisiana

she stole a honda fit in baton rouge
stopped in lafayette to get some food
they caught her in the dollar store
mandatory minimum 24

it’s raining in louisiana now
it’s raining in louisiana now
oh my walk a line
everybody all the time

he was just a prison guard at first
he was just a prison guard at first
and he’d say she’s gotta learn
not to take what isn’t hers

every morning he got up for work
every morning he got up for work
oh my god before you know
they’re caling him the cfo

and he’ll say he made more than he lost
but he never pays what it costs

there were days she could see forever
there were days she could see forever
she could walk her mind through
everyone she ever knew

it’s raining in louisiana now
it’s raining in louisiana now
and we all know who’s staying dry
and we all know the reasons why

and he’ll say he made more than he lost
but he didn’t pay what it cost

he can make a grand a day when
he fills up his 40 cages
he can buy a warm coat
and he can buy a brand new phone
he can walk a shiny street
call himself an llc
and he can hold his hand to god
say he pays for everything that he’s got
but he doesn’t pay what it costs

it’s raining in louisiana now
it’s raining in louisiana now
she got out monday last
50/50 she’ll go back

week thirtytwo: nothing money

nothing money

he went after nothing money
thinking he’d impress somebody
thin man in a fat country
everybody knows he’s hungry
everybody’s after something
everybody's loves to see a show

he went after nothing love
married in the tropical sun
i don’t think he thought he’d run
the next time he met someone
but goodbye dolly hello dove
he barely got his pants back up you know

every game’s got a way to cheat
everybody wants a little more than they need

he went after nothing friends
sweet dudes with cash to spend
every night those lehman bros
cat calling doing coke
and every night the servers say
i hate those guys but they can pay you know

he went after nothing nights
oblivion and see through tights
with her ankles around his neck
he asked her if she’d take a check
hun she said i think you’re swell
but i don’t trust my clientele anymore

every game’s got a way to cheat
everybody wants a little more than they need

drink all day in the texas sun
send a representative to washington

congress says they’ll drop the case
got a lot of people they can put in a cage

it’s hard not to cheat
when you’re holding the money and the cards and the keys

he went after nothing fast
got a iob at goldman sachs
they put it all in real estate
and lost it in 2008
you’d think they might’ve stopped at that
but they reupped and got it back ten fold

he went after nothing money
thinking he’d impress somebody
sadly here’s the ending see
he gave a dime to the library
now wikipedia says philanthropy
is his number one priority he’s a hero

week thirtyone: come down

(wrens)

come down

if you’re tired
i can drive
we’ll leave the party early
i don’t mind

i heard their news
they heard mine
we went pound for pound
eye for eye

went in low
came out high
still it felt like losing
i don’t know why

honey won’t you come down
it’s too much to keep aloft
come down
honey won’t you come down
come down now

they found a house in ireland
they’re on the red eye drinking champagne in turbulence  

honey won’t you come down
the air gets so thin
come down
honey won’t you come down
come down now

the stars are televised
the angels advertise
the birds will waste your time
come down
come down now

week thirty: on the street after the show

on the street after the show

i saw you down in houston
on the street after the show
you asked me to walk with you
i said i gotta be back soon though
we walked down white oak
and turned onto heights
and you said me and johnny cash
are the only ones you like
you said you miss the friends
that we had growing up
and last year at jay's wedding
it was so good seeing everyone
you said that you’re proud of me
that i’m driven by a passion
but mostly i don’t feel that way
and if i’m driven by anything it’s caffeine
and i miss out on a lot while i’m driving
like the ground back home is frozen
and she’s digging out the car
and she’s driving to the ocean
with her headphones and our dog
and she listens to marc maron
the one with rosanne cash
her mother came from texas
and her daddy dressed in black
you said that you hate houston
you said i’ll play better shows
you said i’m glad you followed your dreams
i said i don’t know what anybody means
when they say just do what you love
when they say be passion bound
there’s one thing i’m ok at
there’s a lot i’m missing now
johnny might’ve said he’s sorry
johnny might've said he’s wrong
johnny died in nashville
now rosie’s writing songs
there’s a million ways to dig in
there’s a million ways to try
and every way’s the same
so long as you’re not telling lies
so you do me your favors
and i’ll do you mine
and i won’t ever sweat you
or assume you’re wasting time
oh i’ll walk with you forever
i’ll walk you to the moon
i won't believe in anything
like i’ll believe in you
oh i’ll walk with you forever
i’ll walk with you always
and if i could die a dreamer
i’d die everyday
i saw you down in houston
in the street after the show

week twentynine: the same deer

(a poem)

the same deer

every time i close my eyes
i see the same deer lying on the road side
and i don’t know what’s worse
being a vulture or leaving meat on the bone

i keep hearing crows at night
so i put a pint of whiskey and a bible by my side
and i saw the priest buying blood at the liquor store

and i’ve seen you in this room before
i’ve seen you here before

every night the crows are screaming
and it gets so i don’t know if i’m awake or dreaming
and i’ve got a memory of walking down power lines

she had her hand in my hair
she whispered in my ear it takes so long getting there
then i saw something run across the lights in the road

every time i close my eyes
i see the same deer lying on the road side
i said are you all right and all that she said was no

i’ve seen you in this room before
i’ve seen you here before
i’ve seen you here before now

and i know that she'd say
it’s a common mistake
i'll grow out of someday
but if you’re here and i’m here
this is a real place
i’ve seen you here before

week twentyeight: piscataqua river bridge

(a poem)

piscataqua river bridge 

turtle wax the hood it shines
cadillac car with a kid inside
paying at the counter while he’s looking at his phone

cardboard cutout scented pine
smoking in the car mama i don’t mind
i don’t mind no medicine

i was cared for son as good as anyone

seacoast bound i95
hanging out the window with your arms up high in the wind
falling snow in the lights on the river bridge

starter jacket red and gold
walking by the railing on the side of the road goddamn
you said fuck the washington redskins man

big rig driver eddie baggs
came across a jumper and he pulled her back it’s true
i saw it this morning in the bangor daily news

and i'm hoping son i'd fall for anyone

i'm hoping son you'd fall for anyone

week twentysix: '86 grand marquis

video cover photo by shaw photography co.

'86 grand marquis

“He sat in the diner and ate a big plate of huevos rancheros and drank coffee and watched the gray fields pass beyond the wet glass and in his new boots and shirt he began to feel better than he’d felt in a long time and the weight on his heart had begun to lift and he repeated what his father once told him, that scared money cant win and a worried man cant love.”
― Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses

i got a memory of blood
i don’t remember whose it was
black and shining on the leaves
moon rising through the trees
somebody lying in the mud

that was a hammer coming down
my father found another town
i didn't know my brother's name
i didn't know my mother drank
i didn’t know but i know now

i know a key and gasoline
can make a spark in the machine
and we could drive all night
and never find the other side
and get a lot of what we need

my lady put a lot of weight on the pedal
riding home in the light of the stars
we knew good love and we knew it cause we never called it ours
we keep it running in the dark

we bought a car without a title
and we made a thousand miles
before the engine block broke
on a dark and empty road
we had to stay there for a while

she read a chapter out to me
lying in the backseat
about a boy who stole a horse
and then went back to steal some more
and gave his body to the weeds

everybody’s gambling
and scared money don’t win
and scared hearts don’t love
so we made a good run
and i don’t mind the shape i’m in 

my lady put a lot of weight on the pedal...
my lady put a lot of weight on the pedal...
 

week twentyfive: abigail for a while

abigail for a while

you remind me of seventeen
the lot where the snow drifted high
you remind me of deer season stillness
your father out late every night

you remind me of tiny fires
cold hands in loose tobacco
leaning in close to block the wind
you remind me of first match glow

i’ll believe in anything for a while

you told me the lake isn’t going to freeze this year
we stood at the edge of the ice
i said even the geese don’t want to come way out here
you said the souls of young bodies are light

you remind me of an orange hat
smelling like sweat and cold air
you remind me of the shots fired
way off in the woods somewhere

i’ll believe in anything for a while

somebody’s calling you abigail
and for a while so was i
somebody’s calling you abbie girl
you remind me of well spent time

week twentyfour: holy rider pt. 3

(we can titter at gimcracks or we can read poems)

holy rider pt. 3

heaven sent i was born to ride hey
hit a one hitter on the mississippi highway

i'll be back when the days are long
i remember you best with nothing on

the preacher said i’m a holy rider
if you’re going out i’m gonna set your fire now

sunday morning hallelujah
tell me what you’re making if it matters to you

i don’t chat and i don’t talk small
i don't fuck around caring about what you're called

if your job is keeping a gate
there’s a prison involved and you’re in it babe

and if your job is making money out of money
you’re playing with yourself in public sonny

the preacher said i’m a holy rider
if you’re going out i’m gonna set your fire now
the preacher said i’m a holy rider
if you’re going out i’m gonna set your fire now

holy ride
holy ride now
all the way down
if you’re going out i’m gonna set your fire now

week twentythree: holy rider pt. 2

holy rider pt. 2

hunker down you said to me
there’s a preacher in the country that i wanted you to see

sunday morning hallelujah
saturday liquor like a river running through you

preacher said i’m a holy rider
if you’re going out i’m a set your fire

he grew his roses in the garden
grew his marijuana in the kitchen closet

the police shot a thousand dead
if you’re taking a body you better be in a bed

preacher said i’m a holy rider
if you’re going out i’m a set your fire

sawbones cut out the baby
drove back home in a new mercedes

and yeah i’m asking you to pay
but keep it if you need it i’ve been doing okay 

preacher said i’m a holy rider
if you’re going out i’m a set your fire

ah my brown eyes
see a little better in the middle of the night

and if you ever get a bit of burning in you for me
make a little love and then you call me in the morning

preacher said i’m a holy rider
if you’re going out i’m a set your fire

week twentyone: oil ship

oil ship

liza i remember you in gold
lying on a hotel floor some seven years ago
telling me compassion is an act
and all that i can do for you is make your cells synapse
and you said the explosions in your mind
are getting smaller all the time

and i didn’t know you much back then
and i don’t know you now except for what i’ve made up since
my mind can ride a story like a train
you married once in budapest then fled the lion’s mane
cause you said the explosions in your mind
are getting smaller all the time
(all the) time became an oil ship at sea
slow and you were half aboard and half a sort of free
and you could hear the whales in your sleep
soft and low
warm and sweet

and you imagined horses in a cage
every time the aching hull collided with the waves
and every shore a standing circus crowd
gaping as the elephants pumped oil from the ground
and you said the explosions in your mind
are getting smaller all the time
(all the) time became an oil ship at sea
slow and you were half aboard and half a sort of free
and you could hear the whales in your sleep
soft and low
warm and sweet

week twenty: the tiny horses of farmer cy and your cat floozie

the tiny horses of farmer cy and your cat floozie

oh you had a lot to give
and i know you don't think you did
the water under teeming fog
i’m way the hell inside of it

tiny horses neighing nights
that you got drunk and tried to ride
on the corner farmer cy
came out screaming shooting high

one horse bit your tawny cat
the lightning strike across her back
you chased him through the morning grass
how mad you were how hard we laughed

you were wild then i know
i know you think you’ve never been
you were wild then i know
i know you think you’ve never been

summer where the water’s low
the crayfish armor hollow gold
you fall asleep holding her
and dream you live below the stones

way into the morningtime
her on you like a motorbike
you say you know she'll leave you soon
you say you hope she’ll be all right

you were wild once i know
and way the hell inside a love
i know you were wild once i know
and oh wasn’t everyone

week nineteen: of songs and time

of songs and time

all that i know
all i don’t
you sing
so do i
way up in the great north white

we went for to see
what we’d be
singing songs every night
and if it’s good for yours it’s good for mine

i was afraid that all goes away
now i see you walking by
and if i knew you then
i know you all the time

oh santa fe
what a waste
of songs and time
texas still on everybody’s mind

we sold what we could
in hollywood
and drove through the night
morning broke the mountains open wide

i was afraid that all goes away
now i see you walking by
and if i knew you then
i know you all the time

i thought someday we’d have nothing to say
now that’s not what’s on my mind
cause if i knew you then
i know you all the time